The Dating Matrix
By Vittorio Norman
There are things which become more obvious
as you gain more experience and exposure,
but are still constantly denied by anyone
in the spotlight, and even by some people
in your life who are close to you. This can
be maddening to an individual as he tries
to resolve the obvious contradiction.
I was reading some of the posts in
this public forum about how women like
cocky and funny men. Many women immediately
retaliated by saying that women don't
like arrogant men. One woman said that
it's garbage that women like arrogant
men, then said that her father treats
her very well. Then she went on to say
that her current boyfriend doesn't treat
her very well, saying also that she is
weak and gets sucked into being with him.
"Just be yourself", is another
piece of dating advice which has led many
astray. It is such a politically perfect
piece of advice that no one can argue
with it, and that is what makes it universally
acceptable, but also dangerous. But many
men eventually realize that it is useless
advice, since it does not empower them
to improve themselves.
One really interesting thing I notice
about dating related discussions on public
forums, is that whenever someone posts
a valid piece of field-tested advice,
and it does not fit in with the dating
matrix, it immediately gets attacked.
The vast majority of the attacks consist
of anecdotal philosophy-driven remarks.
And the minority of responses which validate
the original claim usually cite real experiences
to back it up. In this case it becomes
clear that the majority of responses are
not representative of the majority of
what actually gets results. But it may
seem that way because of how certain people
like to flood the information mediums
with their flawed view points. This is
evidence of how strong the matrix can
be.
If you really want to unravel the dating
matrix then talk to guys who are very
successful with women. Some call them
"players", or "seducers".
Find out from them the sort of things
that actually work. Talk to enough of
them to get a good general idea.
I've come across a few direct glimpses
of the truth first hand, from women. It
is almost like a "slip" on their
part, much like the "deja vu"
incident in the original Matrix movie.
One woman, on a date, told me that she
likes it when she doesn't know what a
guy is going to do next. In other words,
she likes unpredictible men. Another woman,
as she was lying on my bed, told me that
she would never get into a relationship
with a hot guy.
I was at a club once and I overheard
this girl talk about how this guy was
really nice and bought her friend flowers,
and right after she said that she mimicked
a gag reflex.
However, there are times when the dating
matrix is a result of lack of articulation
skills between the sexes. For example,
sometimes I will persist with a girl I
like. I know from experience that many
times a woman will put up token resistance
to my advances, even if she likes me.
And the persistance itself is attractive
since it is an alpha quality consisting
of confidence and going after what you
want. So sometimes I'll hear that particular
woman say that she likes being pursued,
the way I am doing. But in my mind I am
not pursuing, I am persisting. Pursuing
is more like chasing, and chasing isn't
attractive to women. However, if this
same woman were to tell another guy that
she likes to be pursued, that guy might
interpret that to mean that he should
chase women. And so he would do that but
then get a very different result than
me. But she didn't lie when she told him
that. She simply could not articulate
as well as she could have. I would have
told him to persist and he would have
been on the right track.
When it comes to dating advice, men should
mostly take advice from other men who
know what they are doing. Why? There are
a few reasons. The first is related to
the ability of a man to better articulate
the right mindset, attitude, and set of
actions to another man, when it comes
to this sort of thing. The perspective
he gives is based on being in the actual
driver's seat. It means he is most plugged
into the reality of the situation. I had
a female friend explain this to me perfectly
a few years ago. She said she can sort
of tell me what to do, but her brother
(a player) can actually show me.
Perhaps the biggest reason why trying
to get solid dating advice from women,
is generally counterproductive, is because
many women will tend to give you advice
which doesn't encroach on their sense
of social power and control. They will
try to balance their statements to not
let that happen, usually leading to half-truths
as a result.
As it turns out, much of what actually
attracts women encroaches on their sense
of power and control, so you can't always
be sure the advice you get is legitimate.
The evolutionary mating dance demands
that one leads and the other follows,
and this only happens if one has more
power and control than the other. Remember
this, 40,000 years of human evolution
cannot be erased by a hundred years of
social influence. On a deeper primitive
level we are acting out our instincts.
And many times these instincts are too
intellectually disturbing to admit.
Copyright © 2005 Vittorio Norman
Vittorio Norman is the webmaster of the
seduction website http://www.nlpbasedseduction.com/
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