Another Blind
Date: Getting Fixed-Up
By Dr. Jackie Black
When your friends try to fix you up with
that wonderful man or woman who they think
"will be absolutely perfect for you," what
is your response?
I can already hear all the moaning and groaning
out there. Believe it or not, the vast majority
of men and women, regardless of age, education,
ethnicity, and socio-economic background,
would rather sit home alone rather than be
fixed-up by well-intentioned friends or co-workers.
Why is that, do you suppose?
In a mini-survey I took recently, most
of the dozen or so respondents told me
that "fix-up dates" were almost always
a disaster. Men were too short, women
weren’t attractive, they didn’t have anything
in common, there wasn’t any chemistry,
conversation was difficult, s/he was boring,
and on and on.
When I probed further I also discovered
that men and women, alike, had a sense
of doom and failure before they ever went
out on the fix-up date. It seems that
there is a prevailing thought that being
fixed-up is a last resort and something
that one needs because one simply can’t
find anyone to go out with or date.
I’d like to invite you all to consider
an alternative mind-set about being fixed-up.
Think of being fixed-up as a gift from
someone who cares for you. It is a rich
opportunity to meet someone who would
likely not otherwise be in your circle
of possibilities; an opportunity to become
acquainted with someone completely different
from that man or woman you would be attracted
to and be interested in taking out.
And that is the problem, isn’t it? You
don’t have any prior interest in, sense
of, or attraction to a person you are
fixed up with. In the absence of prior
interest or attraction - physical, sexual,
emotional, intellectual, or spiritual
- you may feel awkward or uncomfortable,
have trouble staying present, and conversation
may seem strained or forced.
Remember that the dynamic between you
and a person you have never met will be
different than with a person you have
met but do not know. Though it may feel
like you know a virtual stranger with
whom you have spent several minutes in
an initial encounter, in fact, s/he is
as much of a stranger as if you had never
met.
Think of an initial encounter with someone
with whom you have been fixed up as an
adventure in living. Have fun asking interesting
questions and offering interesting personal
information. Make it a new habit to say
yes to the kind overtures of friends who
want you to meet someone they think will
be "just perfect for you"!
Remember, only YOU can make it happen!
Copyright Dr. Jackie Black 1999-2005
If you like this article, please read
more about Dr. Jackie’s relationship dating
advice and help for issues and problems.
This article may be re-published with
appropriate attribution to the author
including name, web site, email address
and telephone number.
Dr. Jackie is an internationally recognized
relationship expert, educator and coach.
Advice and coaching about personal relationships
is Dr. Jackie's passion. Her goal is to
inspire and support single men, single
women and couples through the challenges
and pitfalls of dating, loving and building
lasting, committed relationships in today's
fast-paced world. Dr. Jackie's Relationship
Coaching Programs and Groups, her Blog,
downloadable PodCasts and her Internet
streaming radio show are jam-packed with
valuable dating tips and strategies.
http://www.DrJackieBlack.com
DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com
1.888.792.6224
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