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Impress Your Hot TA with a Better-Written Essay! Here’s How!

Hello Intellistudents! Have you ever gotten stuck with a paper assignment that just isn’t working? I sure as hell have been there – especially when coming up with awesome blog topics for Intelly – but the excitement of being a social science major means the papers keep a-comin’. So over the years, I’ve perfected a few techniques – and by virtue of being awesome, you get the benefit of my years of trial-and-error without the, well, trial and error.

So let’s sexify some term papers!

Read – and dissect – the prompt. Don’t be afraid to take red ink to your precious prompt and figure out every component for which you are being asked. Underline what your teacher requires in the paper, and write them up in a list (a list, like these Intelly posts, is more easily comprehended than a single, beefy paragraph of prose). One of the biggest mistakes paper-writers make is not answering what they are being asked: by understanding what the prompt entails, you will get the points – even if what you write is total shit.

Never underestimate the outline. Now that you know what you need to do, brainstorm everything per required component. Next, organize those brainstorms into common themes and outline a comprehensible flow. While I may be the first to extol the virtues of paper and pen, this may be best done via a Word document; the copy-and-paste function will serve you well in coming up with the sexiest arrangement of topics. (As many of my papers assume I read some books, I am also a fan of typing up applicable quotes into my outline; that way, once I get to writing up that part of the paper, I can just copy-and-paste the quote where needed.)

When in doubt, stream-of-consciousness! After outlining, the next logical step is to start typing up your outlined info into beefy paragraphs (kind of like reversing what you did to that prompt) – but this being a term paper and all, writing is much more easily said than done. If you can’t move from outline to written masterpiece, approach your paper as a rough draft and just start typing whatever comes to mind (about the topic, of course!). You can refine it later. I find that, like what people tell me about exercising, once you start doing it, it becomes easier and easier to continue. Start with a stream, and soon enough you’ll be burning off calories upon calories of inspiration.

Remember your basic writing skillz. Use simple sentences with simple punctuation. Read your sentences out loud: if you trip or stall, rewrite it. Don’t use a smart-person word unless you completely know what it means (I’ve had this back-fire). Speak in active, not passive, voice. Let your intelligence be demonstrated through what you write, not how you write it – therein lies a risk that could cost you more than it is worth. Don’t risk losing points – or validity – for stupid writing mishaps.

Proofread. Yeah, I know… horribly boring, right? But seriously, do yourself – and the TA that will inevitably be grading this beast – a favor and read through your essay before turning it in. I’m a fan of printing it out, reading it out loud, and taking a merciless red pen to it until it bleeds with edits. Remember that spell check is only as smart as its user (and you aren’t that smart, now, are you?), and most common mistakes can be avoided through a quickie read-through. Don’t lose points for stupid mistakes and stupider spell check ‘edits.’

Now you are ready to impress your cute TA with a sexy term paper (because, you know, the best way to get to your TA’s heart is through his/her essay-grading time). And if you seriously flopped, a $100 bill couldn’t hurt…

What do you guys think? Let me know what awesome paper-writing/planning tips you have: I can always error on the side of trial as I deem fit. And hey – I’m only as good as my spell check.

Intelligrrrl

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26 March 2009 | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Flirting with Minutia

OK, so next week will be a crazy recruitment-campus-visit extravaganza for Intelligrrrl! Believe it or not, I actually did get into two graduate programs, and I am visiting them back-to-back starting Monday. Hurray for a future!

So because this is what’s been on my mind the past few weeks, I decided to devote this entry to things you ought to ask/pay attention to when visiting a school. While I am writing this in the shoes of a graduate prospy, it will still be applicable for undergrad scout-outs. And hey, who doesn’t like a delectable Intelly list post? Am I right, or am I right?

The school’s atmosphere/culture. Can you see yourself thriving there? How does this place fit with your personality? Are they too strict and stressful, or are they so relaxed that you’d lack motivation to kick ass? How do students relate to faculty, and vice versa? How bureaucratic is the administration and staff? What types of activities go on (film showing, colloquia, visiting talks, etc.)? Do you fit in with the students, or do you feel awkward and lonely (no points if you don’t try on this one)? You obviously want a school that fits your personality and intellectual style because, after all, you’ll be spending at least four years there – and remember, these are supposed to be the best years of your life!

And, related… The city’s atmosphere and social scene. Believe it or not, you will exist outside of the campus walls – so do you want to party down in a chic urban nightclub or a raging, yet personal, house party? Do you prefer pubs and coffee shops, or sports bars and strip clubs? Beach attitude and guitar sing-alongs, or whatever the East-Coast stereotype is? During your visit, do more than the standard tourist stuff so you can see if the scene and you just click. No magic? Next!

Program requirements and specializations. How long will it take you to get a degree, and what will you have to do to get it? Does the general ed require more math than you can handle, or not enough foreign language? Are there opportunities to do a ‘special’ tract where you can emphasize in something more specific (such as neurology for a bio degree)? How interdisciplinary is the school, and what opportunities will you have to mingle with others outside your department/major? Remember, you’re there primarily to check out the school and see if it’s a good fit for you. This is your main objective, padawon.

Talk with current students. OK, so you can get the DL on where tonight’s house party is located, but more importantly (yes), you can see what they like/don’t like about the school. How are classes structured, and what types of projects are they required to complete? Are professors accessible and friendly, or too wrapped up in their personal research? Are the classes hard and the degree requirements unrealistic? Don’t trust the orientation pamphlets schools give you; talk with as many students as possible so you get a variety of (legit) perspectives.

Talk with professors. Besides being able to gauge their interpersonal skills and approachability, you can see if you truly fit with the culture of the program. What is his/her current research about? What classes does he/she teach, and how often are those classes offered? Does he/she offer any opportunities for students to help with research, be advised, etc.? Make sure to note enthusiasm (or lack thereof) when he/she speaks about classes. My worst class ever was from a physics professor who couldn’t care less about teaching; don’t fall victim to a hapless prof!

And then there’s the miscellaneous, like how will you pay for the program (or, for graduate prospys, what’s the funding sitch?), where you will live, how commuter-heavy is the campus, and how will you get around (public transit, car, walking, bike, horseback, elephant-back?). But now we’re flirting with the minutia, and I promised Intelliboy I wouldn’t flirt.

So, the obligatory discussion-starter: What do you suggest I and your Intelly peers pay attention to when visiting a prospective campus?

Schools, here I come!
Intelligrrrl

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7 March 2009 | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Karma’s a Bitch

Hello, Intellistudents. How bad has your senioritis kicked in? Apparently mine kicked in a little too much…

But it may be because I am getting so distracted with this whole graduate school thing: you know, first the daunting task of applying, then the frustratingly exciting dead-time while waiting to hear anything from anyone… Now I find myself in Phase III: gradual communication of the decision. Schools are starting to call and e-mail me, and either I’m super awesome and have a future, or I suck and need to completely reevaluate my purpose as a human being. So far I have a 50-percent success rate, so let’s compromise the two extremes: I have a future, but some reevaluation is called for.

Now let me tell you how Berkeley (here on out called “Teh Berk”) rejected my sorry ass: Last Tuesday, the Sociology department sent out an e-mail that included the standard “We could tell you put a lot of effort in your application, but other people are just better than you, blah blah blah,” all addressed to the super-personalized “Dear Applicant.” Bullshit, Berk; I’m sure there were varying levels of effort expressed in all those rejected applications.

But anyway, the person who sent out the e-mail accidentally put every rejected person’s e-mail address in the “To” field instead of the “Bcc” field. Kind of an asshole-y move, but I don’t know any of these people and they don’t know me, especially by my e-mail address alone. Intelliboy and I had a gander looking at all the school e-mails that were rejected, including Harvard and Berk (they rejected their own!). It made me feel not so much like a failure to know that these guys weren’t good enough, either.

But the drama continues. Thursday – two days later – I get another e-mail from teh Berk. It begins with, “I apologize for the e-mail sent out Tuesday informing you of our admission decision…” I get slightly hopeful, thinking they’d tell me that I wasn’t rejected; that the original e-mail had accidentally been sent out to the wrong list. No; I was faked out. Thanks, Berk. The e-mail apologized for the “To” mistake, noting it was not the admissions committee’s fault, but the fault of the graduate coordinator who sent it out.

So the apology e-mail wasn’t an apology to me; it was an ass-covering for the admissions committee… But wait! There’s more!

I got another e-mail from teh Berk yesterday. (I thought it was an admission decision from another school… faked out again! Godamnit, Berk!) I start reading, and it again starts with “There was a mistake in the admissions decision e-mail send out on Tuesday…” I am cautiously hopeful, as I learned my ‘hope’ lesson last apology e-mail. Again, the crushing came: “Due to technical difficulties, e-mails of those we are not admitting appeared in the ‘To’ field…” So, my dreams were crushed again, and this time they blamed it on ‘technical difficulties.’

So teh Berk is working to cover their ass again, but this is too much. Intelliboy suggested I respond with, “I get it. You screwed up. You have now broken my heart three times.” I didn’t, because I have this thing called ‘professionalism.’

Nevertheless, I’m noticing an interesting pattern here: the school that rejects me has computer and competency issues. As a social scientist, I will not jump to causal arguments, but I’m just sayin’: the correlation is pretty high… I’m also considering Facebooking all my fellow rejects and invite them to a group I would name “Berk SOC rejects for computer competency.”

So where’s the lesson? Schools make mistakes, too; they aren’t perfect. Rejection is part of the game, and use it as a lesson instead of an excuse for pity. Don’t think too much into an e-mail before you read it in full. And if you get too upset at your life, just mosey on over to http://www.fmylife.com/ and laugh at others’ much suckier lives.

But in super-awesome news, UCs Davis and San Diego do want me.

Intelligrrl

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18 February 2009 | Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Diagnosed with Senioritis?

Hello. I have been diagnosed with Senioritis.

Unfortunately, all too many students find themselves combating Senioritis every day, and the numbers only increase every year. Onset of this disease often occurs at the beginning of a student’s final semester. However, premature onset is by no means a rare occurrence, as some students find themselves suffering for spans of years. Students diagnosed with Senioritis typically experience an extreme lack of motivation to complete schoolwork, an abnormal demonstration of incompetency and procrastination, and a combined excitement/fear for the near future. The disease can manifest itself in a multitude of ways, anywhere between a newfound desire to comment on the Professor’s minute details to a discontinuance of class participation altogether.

We all know someone living with Senioritis, and together, we can assuage this growing threat. By following the prescription plan detailed below, you and your loved ones can comfortably cope with this disease until a true cure can be found.

Create a support network: The battle against Senioritis does not need to be fought alone. Come together with suffering friends so you can motivate each other through these final months – if nothing else, this ensures your procrastination efforts are not wasted alone on Facebook. Talk candidly of your accomplishments and share prospects for the future. We can get through this – together.

Listen to Grandma: When already feeling overworked, the worst thing that can be done is to ignore your body’s physiological requirements. Attempt to get a full eight hours of sleep each night. Eat nutritiously throughout the day. De-stress and drink tea as necessary. Reorganize your workspace to make it fresh and book-friendly. If nothing else, you’ll come out of college feeling and looking great.

Maintain an up-to-date “to do” list: Those suffering from Senioritis find it more difficult to stay organized. Make sure you avoid falling too far behind by transferring minute tasks from brain to paper – and then actually attempt to complete (some of) them. Nothing is more fulfilling than checking off something from a “to do” list.

Submit your Intent to Graduate: Add this to the “to do” list right now! Most – if not all – schools require students to actually submit something indicating that they are planning on graduating at the end of that semester/quarter. Don’t be that guy and just assume the school will just know that you’re peacing out. The worst feeling for a student suffering from Senioritis is the inability to actually graduate, commencing a long and tough battle against the dreaded School Bureaucracy. Take care of this now while the Senioritis is still somewhat benign.

Start planning for the near-future: That fear of the future can be assuaged by figuring out what the hell you will be doing in the future, so start scoping out employment opportunities, graduate school options, etc. Although you cannot wait to get out of here, take advantage of the school’s Career Center, which usually can help with résumés, interviews and job placement. Set up a profile on career-finding websites, browse through Craigslist opportunities, look through newspaper classifieds and tap your network. Knowing what you’re doing come May/June allows you to at least attempt to channel your brain power on those final classes.

Actually graduate: The only known cure for Senioritis is to graduate at the end of the semester. And with diploma cover in hand, we can unite together as survivors of this threatening disease, taking our experiences into that oh-so-dreaded “real world.”

Suffering together,
Intelligrrrl

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14 January 2009 | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Nerdy Dictionary Fan Club (NDFC)

Intellistudents, class is in session. Just because the semester/quarter is over doesn’t mean you can stop learning – but let’s do it the ‘fun’ way!

(Guys, this is what happens when you have an aspiring professor writing a blog during her undergrad years…)

Today’s topic: words. This is what’s going down: I’m going to share three exciting “big” words acquired from the past year or so. Then after you use them in the real world, you’ll share your big words with me. Let’s get this partay started!

Paradigm (pair-a-dime).
Sounds like: The hottest new girl rock-metal band.
It means: Model that forms the basis of something, esp. theory. A dominant and generally accepted theoretical framework.
Example: Duuuuude, smoking pot will totally change how you view the medieval paradigm!!!

Panopticon (pan-opt-a-con).
Sounds like: A con where the conman can opt whether to use a pan or not.
It means: This crazy surveillance system where people are divided into individual cells circularly surrounding a center ominous tower, where a watchman resides. Applied to a society where anyone can potentially be watched secretly by anyone else. A system of self-discipline.
Example: Ugh, my parents are soooo overbearing! I can’t wait to break free of their panoptic rule!

Ontology (on-tall-o-gee).
Sounds like: A branch of science that studies how things act when turned on. (wink, wink)
It means: (Metaphysics) The study of existence; concerned with the nature of being.
Example: The best way to piss off my parents is to tell them I aspire to become an ontologist.

Okay guys, it’s your turn. Think of this as an exceptionally nerdy dictionary fan club (which would, admittedly, be exceptionally nerdy in its own right). I gave you some words, now swap some back.

Happy non-denominationally-affiliated secular holiday time,
Intelligrrrl

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18 December 2008 | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Bah Humbug!

Hello Intellistudents, long time, no see (er… write?).

So I have this quandary. See, I for some reason cannot get into the holiday spirit, and I don’t know why. It’s been snowing here in Chicago, I’ve been wearing snuggly scarves and sweaters in appropriate colors, and I’ve been listening to Christmas songs. Still, nothing. We even set up a dinky LED Christmas tree which houses presents for people as we purchase/make/magically acquire them. I know, I know… how can I not be totally jolly right now??

You know what? I’ll blame final assignments; they make for a nice scapegoat. Because I’m in the social sciences (= writing-heavy), I have essays to do instead of actual in-class exams. Pair my monsterous stack of to-do essays with to-do graduate school applications, and you have one Intelligrrrl that (a) can’t wait for the holidays, but (b) can’t be distracted with them currently. Nevertheless, it’s December, and I want my jollies and sugar plums, damnit!

So, Intellistudents, how should I get into the holiday spirit? Any destressing-during-finals tips you would like to share with the class? Will I feel more holiday-spirited if I put on a Santa hat, or something equally as lame?

Good luck on finals and essays!
Intelligrrrl

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8 December 2008 | Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Earth to ‘High School Musical’

Just admit it: you have actually seen at least one of the “High School Musical” movies. It’s nothing to be ashamed of: perhaps you saw it out of curiosity, or maybe you needed something to debrief after a mentally-demanding project. Whatever your motivation, you cannot deny that the Disney-Channel phenomenon reminds you of a simpler time when the most important part of life was fitting in and cheering on the school’s basketball team.

Yet East High is by no regard realistic. Even if we ignore the perfectly-choreographed spontaneous musical numbers, we are still left with unrealistic characters in insultingly unrealistic situations. Let us count the ways:

(Warning: This list is riddled with spoilers.)

High school relationships do not emulate Troy and Gabriella’s: (a) few high school relationships extend beyond high school, and (b) while in their high school stage, relationships are not that selfless and innocently passionate. Case-in-point, in the third installment, Gabriella is invited to some smart-kids program at Stanford that somehow necessitates that she leaves her Wildcat friends before the school year is over. She and Troy, though, were supposed to go to Prom together. Prom Eve, she plays bitch and backs out – What does Troy do? He drives from Albuquerque to Palo Alto in a suit and surprises his ditched date. “My Prom,” he remarks, “is wherever you are,” and they proceed to waltz around a tree. How many of your high-school boyfriends would have done that for you?

Main characters are presented amazingly unrealistic opportunities. Let’s examine their college choices: the class president is going to Yale, the basketball player to University of Albuquerque, and both the drama club’s choreographer and composer are recruited by scholarship for Julliard. Gabriella is not only accepted to Stanford, but she is invited as one of 30 freshmen to participate in a special accelerated program. Our heartthrob Troy must decide between U of A and Julliard – his decision? UC Berkeley. Earth to “High School Musical:” most of our collegiate stress did not stem from too many prestigious schools pandering for our decision.

How come the rich, popular girl gets a super pimped-out locker? Sharpay Evans has it all: a pink convertible with her initials on the hood, perfect hair – and a hot-pink double-door school locker, initials inscribed, with a plush interior. In the second movie, we see just how rich this girl is: her parents hold clout in an exclusive country club where she gets treated to “iced tea imported from England, lifeguards imported from Spain, towels imported from Turkey, and turkey imported from Maine.” If her family is that rich and powerful, what is this self-entitled bitch doing at a public school? And furthermore, why does she get a special locker? Aren’t all lockers created equal?

Solidarity is not that strong in high school. Everyone at East High is constantly excited about school and proud to be a Wildcat; there is no ‘outcast’ character (the closest we see is the ‘skaters’ clique in movie one, who still engage in song-and-dance with Wildcat pride). Gabriella affectionately calls her boyfriend “Wildcat,” classmates motivate each other by calling on their Wildcat-ness, and Troy exclaims “Once a Wildcat, always a Wildcat!” at graduation. My high school experience was devoid of anything near this level of school spirit.

Oh yes, and the whole spontaneous singing-and-dancing thing. As every past high school drama club member knows, the world is unfortunately not coordinated enough to spontaneously stage mass musical numbers. (If only…) Try singing a few bars in the cafeteria: do others chime in? Do instrumentals start up? Does everyone jump in to a perfectly-understood choreography? Didn’t think so. (My high school lunch time proved this to be a farce.) So then the question arises: how come East High gets all the fun?

Disclaimer: Intelligrrl has seen all three “High School Musical” movies, and is still in a successful relationship with her very own Troy. She had a very non-HSM high school experience, and she is totally jellin’ on Troy going to Berkeley!

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13 November 2008 | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Santa Claus is coming to town… already

Christmas only comes once a year, but the pre-Christmas anticipation time bubble grows in length each season. It used to start with Black Friday, but it has since crept to middle of November, earlier in November… and now, right after Halloween.

“Christmas Creep,” they call it; the time when businesses fight for your attention and holiday music can be heard in every store. Perhaps a little too soon? Yes. Annoying? Yes. And is this year any different?

Yes.

We need Christmas Creep this year, and this is why:

It’s best to buy the presents before you get fired. Who knows if you will have your wage-labor job tomorrow – and if you don’t, buying presents will be the last thing you will need to think about. Might as well get it over with now, while you are still living in blissful employment. (Crappy college-time service job? Even better! Tap that discount before the Boss realizes how much more revenue he’d make if employee discounts were abolished.)

Drown out your worries with a seasonal drink. While stressing out over how you will pay tuition next semester, indulge in a (pricey) wintery treat: a peppermint mocha, a holiday ale, some not-so-appropriate eggnog. Hell, it adds a change of routine from the everyday insert-standard-hard-alcohol-here.

Holiday music libraries continue to grow. Each season brings a slew of new Christmas albums by new-timers, old-timers and repackagers alike. A larger musical library logically takes a longer time to listen to in full; extend the anticipation bubble (the time in which you are allowed to listen to this genre), and all music can be accommodated. And if your library has not yet reached max capacity? Go ahead and push ‘repeat’ on your favorites: it’s the only time of year were doing so does not violate social norms.

By Wednesday, (unless we get a ‘2000’ pulled on us) someone will get the biggest Christmas gift of all – the Presidency. How come he gets a super gift, and we have to wait almost two whole months until we get ours? Really, what happens between now and then? Thanksgiving? Pshaw… there are no presents involved there.

Given the economic situation, we need some extended form of joy in our lives. Yeah, the economy sucks, but Capitalism teaches us that we must cope with any big problem by buying more useless stuff. Christmas time was made for this: buy useless stuff for other people. That useless stuff translates into joy and care – and really, that’s what we need during a time of crisis.

Disclaimer: The author has first-hand experience with the elusive ‘Christmas Creep’ – she worked at Starbucks last season and lived to tell the tale. Intelligrrrl and Intellistudent do not endorse the ‘Creep;’ in fact, the Christmas sweater stays locked up until December. Period. Deal with it, Capitalism.

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1 November 2008 | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Halloweeeee!

Happy Halloween, Intellistudents. Unless you’re lame like me, chances are you’re spending tonight in some strangely appealing costume. Well because I am not sharing in your glory, I will now proceed to judge your costumes from my armchair!

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I really don’t get (a) what this costume is supposed to be, and (b) how the costume is viewed from the back. Is she supposed to be a celebrity caught in awkward times? A slutty blank cue-card holder? A censor bar?

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Mmm! She’s good enough to… wait, shit, no. But whatevs… the sprinkles are the icing on the cake sprinkles on the ice cream, if you will.

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Dressing up like your favorite ad campaign = The Man is winning. Be prepared for super-lame Burger King jokes all night. (“Would you like fries with that?”)

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So you really, really like Ghostbusters. Like, it’s your favorite movie of all time. But it’s Halloween, and you have boobs, so you absolutely need to dress slutty; a standard Ghostbusters costume won’t fit the bill. But, what’s this? Fuck yeah!

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So… this is supposed to be a “dirty martini” costume. I’ll ignore the cleverly-placed red-olive parts, the whore wearing it, and the fact that this costume is so confusing that it must be indicated what it is on the costume itself. What I won’t ignore: you’re dressing up like an alcoholic drink. Deeper problems exist there, my friend.

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I’m, um… what the hell? …Complete with lingerie and make-up-wearing lamb. (Yes, this costume is called “country loving.” No, Intellistudent does not endorse country-loving activity.)

Hoping I’m not violating drastic copyright law (and if I am, let’s keep it on the D-L),
Intelligrrrl

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30 October 2008 | Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous

Every person does stupid things every day; fortunately we don’t have to worry about cameras capturing those less-than-glorious moments (unless you are one of the many Facebook-obsessed and opt to share those moments on your own accord). Celebrities do not have that luxury – and that’s all the better for us.

A quick stop to TMZ.com proves that for some ridiculous reason, we are obsessed with the minute details – and mishaps – of celebrity life. There must be something mysterious about waking up with a few million more dollars than the average Joe the Plumber. Michael Jackson has nose problems, David Beckham spits out unsuspecting sports drinks, and A-Rod has vague marital resolution (or something).

We all do stupid things, but celebrities tend to do them stupider. Let’s explore a few of those moments that are best kept away from discerning public eyes:

Engaging in white collar crime – and getting caught! There is nothing a celebrity needs more than more money, but they can simply sign on to the latest crappy Disney re-make. Embezzlement is a slap to the face of hard-working citizens who live vicariously through the lives of these stars. Example: Anne Hathaway’s ex, Raffaello Follieri, involves himself in an investment scam and gets four-and-a-half years in prison. What lesson does this teach the youngings?

Be a night club whore – with movie problems to follow! Lindsay Lohan, case-in-point. What will this girl ever get right? She would have done better sticking with Disney and making more movies about herself as a set of twins; but instead she drives drunk, takes over night clubs diva-style, and stumbles onto movie sets disheveled and hung over. Social Darwinism would have weeded her out long ago, if not for her celebrity.

DUI – and actually serving time! Last year, we went a whole season without the TV show “24” because star Kiefer Sutherland was serving hard time for a hard party. Contrary to his TV personality, Sutherland did not attempt to escape, dig tunnels or torture terrorists while imprisioned. According to Wikipedia (always a reliable source), the actor was “incarcerated for New Year’s, his birthday and Christmas, and only had one visitor.” We all know who that one visitor was – justice!

Hosting a bombin’ birthday party – at Disneyland! Okay, so Disney queen Miley Cyrus’s birthday really isn’t until Nov. 23, but since when did birthdays prevent us from having a super awesome birthday party? And it’s totally coincidental that the annual Disneyland ‘Gay Days’ were supposed to be held that weekend. Totally coincidental.

One-night stands – that end in a Las Vegas chapel! Girl meets boy, girl gets drunk… girl wakes up married to boy and surrounded by cameras. Though this may happen weekly on Frat Row, it seems to be a little more played up when it happens in the Celebriverse. Who can forget Britney Spears’s surprise overnight wedding to childhood friend Jason Allen Alexander? No one, that’s who.

Joining a religion – about spaceships! Nothing dives your career into flames faster than associating yourself with Scientology – that mystifying weird religion-thing that Tom Cruise and John Travolta are gradually teaching us more and more about. (Honestly, what good movie has JT done lately?) And now they’re looking to recruit Amy Winehouse. We knew she was a train wreck, but sheesh…

Dine and ditch – and leave your purse in the restaurant! Ms. Teen USA taught us this week to (a) make sure you bring your purse when ditching, (b) it might have just been easier to pay the $46 bill, and (c) don’t carry illegal substances in said purse. The ditch itself attests to an immoral character, but the Teen USA people decided their crown was better worn by a teenager who doesn’t use the pot. The lesson? Keep your pot on your person, or risk losing your crown.

Disclaimer: The author disagrees with celebrity obsession, and it greatly pained her to conduct article research via TMZ and “stupid celebrity” blogs. No, really, they are honestly horrible.

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26 October 2008 | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

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